J
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ust
thinking about Ray Boltz and his “God Knows I Tried,” a song some of us know
well. As for those of us who may not know it here are the lyrics and we may as
well click the link below and listen to him sing:
God Knows I Tried
by Ray Boltz
When they said I was a
sinner, I was struggling with my youth. And, with the hope that God could
change me, I believed it was the truth.
I spent my whole life
trying to be what they said I should. On the inside I was dying, because I
never really could.
God knows I tried. God
knows all the pain I kept inside. He’s seen every tear I ever cried. God knows
I tried.
I was so good at
pretending, just like an actor on the stage. In the end, nobody knew me, only
the roles that I portrayed.
I would rather have you
hate me knowing who I really am than to try and make you love me being
something that I can’t.
God knows I tried. God
knows all the pain I kept inside. He’s seen every tear I ever cried. God knows
I tried.
And, after all these
years of living, I’ve begun to understand. I can try to be like someone else,
but it won’t change (no it won’t change, no it won’t change) who
I am.
God knows I tried. God
knows all the pain I kept inside. He’s seen every tear I ever cried. God knows
I tried.
It
is obvious that Boltz had his own context in which he penned and sang that song.
Of course, he has since made it public and those of us who have followed his
story know it. It is equally obvious that some of us may not be facing such
challenges in life. But I think each one of us have life circumstances which
eventually lead us into those moments where we can join him in saying, “God
knows I tried… He’s seen every tear I ever cried.” If you have not been through
such moments yet, I am wondering whether you are a real human being living on
this planet. If you are, then certainly either something is seriously wrong or
you are that rare lucky soul.
But
I am sure most of us have. And it is to such that today I would like to
dedicate my note.
Whatever
personal struggles or battles you may be fighting, I would like to suggest that
you don’t give up. Keep on daring to believe. Just give it one more time and soon
your song may change forever. The eye that has “seen every tear” you “ever
cried” is too watchful to miss what befalls you; “its” heart too tender to ignore
your groans.
Yes,
you may have asked and rightly so: why does God wait until situations get
worse before doing something in our lives? as some of us have done before.
In fact, you could as well ask why does He allow evil in the first place if
He can nib it in the bud? It is equally puzzling and painful for it doesn’t
serve the honor and integrity of the gods well to let creatures capable of
feelings to languish in harrowing circumstances just for them to show off their
potency at the end of it all. I personally have very little respect for such
deities.
In
my opinion, a sane god should be able to reason better than a tiny fallible
human being like me. If humanity’s reasoning , sense of ethical fairness,
equity and justice begins to surpass that of the gods, then perhaps it makes
sense to overthrow the gods and let humanity sit on the throne for where is the
sanity of looking up to a being who is lower in ethical values than your own
for guidance? I guess you will all agree with me good friends, that it just
doesn’t make sense.
And
your disappointment is understandable for I think that there is no pain more
painful and greater than that the gods one trusted betray him or her in
midstream with no savior in sight. Of course, I stand to be corrected but I
still believe that it is painful to wait on a being who claims omnipotence and
omniscience yet “fails” to deliver when expected and always fiddles his duty
when you engage him. Personally, I wouldn’t like to have such kind of a being
as my “divine prefect” no matter what title you may wish to lavish him or her
withal. For he/she is as useless as a dead leviathan to me!
Nevertheless,
spiritual mutiny does not seem to end our plights. Frankly speaking, we all do
not understand yet. We are nescient. In this life, we are all like confused
little ants in a bottomless pit full of suffocative smoke and the best of our
best thought leaders are like humiliated charlatans in a marketplace. And
unfortunately I am just one of those little wounded and confused ants like you
who is trying to find a way out of this smothering spiritual tyranny they call
life. I am not one of those charlatans who hand out simplistic spiritual pills.
Therefore don’t expect me to hand you a miracle answer. But if you will let me weep
with you, I will. If you want me to question with you, I will. For your hurt is
my hurt; your confusion, my confusion. Nonetheless, if you will trust me enough
and allow me to suggest something to you I will whisper a word into your
listening ears. Just wait for a minute.
Probably
you and I got it all wrong! Just because we do not understand the operating
rules of a game it does not mean that there are none. The fact that you
and I do not see sense in the game of life does not mean there is none. I
should like to think that there is a better explanation to some of the things
that puzzle you and me for now and we are yet to learn what it is. We may not
understand what the big God is doing in our lives for now just like little kids
because of their littleness do not understand sometimes when their parents
spank them and let them go without certain inane things they would love. Of
course, that does not justify any cruelty on the side of the parents just as it
should not on the side of the gods.
But
I fear that it does not solve our problems either to leave the courts of the
gods and boycotting their assemblies in protest. If anything it may only deliver
more trouble and embarrassment on our door steps. Who knows? Yes, it is
undeniably true heaven is seemingly taking forever too long to make the
difference you have been dying for but I am yet to know that soul that can
soothe your pain if it is not JESUS and the same gods.
...we are all like
confused little ants in a bottomless pit full of suffocative smoke and the
best of our best thought leaders are like humiliated charlatans in a market
yard.
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Why
not then try one more time? Remember our yesterdays when we sang with the same
Boltz that we “dare to believe that miracles happen”. Or when we joined Gaither
and shouted “He touched me!” Where is that daring hero in you who once boasted,
“I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me”? and the patient soul who
sang “my God is great, when he is four days late, He is still on time”? Why
would you now allow a momentary pain rob you of your medal, my friend? As for
me, I am still confident that you can defy the odds and make it.
Of
course, don’t pretend. Be what you are but just remember that it is at the feet
of the man they call JESUS that this world cannot stone you to death for He is
the only safest known wall of defense to those who submit themselves into His
care. If you don’t trust me, check it with John the gospel writer and you may
like to read his eighth chapter in his biography of JESUS. As for now, take it
or leave it. It is all yours to choose.
But
remember, you are the hero heaven is cheering for in the stadium of life. Don’t
let the host of angels down by throwing in the towel before your finishing line.
And
so Boltz, “Is there a heaven for me? A place I wont be hungry or cold?” (http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/ray+boltz/is+there+a+heaven+for+me_20305590.html ) Yes! There is a heaven waiting for
you just around the corner. Don’t give up the fight and give the enemy a story!
Remember the prophet Micah’s advice: “Don’t tell our enemies in Gath about
our defeat; don't let them see you weeping… show your despair by rolling in the
dust!”(Micah 1:10, Good News Translation). Please, allow me to rest my case
for now.
Good
day and Happy Sabbath, good ones!
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